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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Back in time....

Here I am sitting in Texas- with the same hurt, same pain I felt more then 4 years ago when we moved here from Virginia. When we arrived here- the spirit was different. Sam's sister was so rude,cold, and unwelcoming that it bothered me and Maria. Maria was suppose to sleep in the bedroom with her Aunt but did not feel comfortable doing that so she is now in the room Sam and I are staying in.

We arrive here in the big state of Texas at 9 something at night. The only thing we were able to do was get the suitecases from the back of the truck and at least pull my bed out so I could sleep on it tonight. By the time all was said and done it was after 12am January 2nd. Thinking that my husband would be around to help me unload the truck and other vehicles in the morning I was not worried. Much to my suprise that did not happen. He actually did not plan to stay around- He was going to work. So not only did I have the priviledge of packing everything now in a home that is not truly mine- I have the priviledge of unpacking too- AND- to top my whole emotional time travel back in time--- the house he was suppose to have ready for our things(stuff in storage and things) I walk in to all this stuff in the dining room. Which is the very place I need the most for schooling.

I am trying so hard Lord not to allow this to affect my heart! Like so many times in our marriage when it comes to his family- my expectations of Sam- become my disappointment and heartache. Making this move even harder on me because I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE. I want to shout from the roof top! I HATE HOUSTON! I HATE HOUSTON and yet here I sit in the very place I hate!! IN the same room I was in 4-5 years ago- someone pinch because I am in my old emotional nightmatr- the year we moved here(was out 10th year in marriage) and it was the worst year of my marriage!!! The WORST- OH LORD I never thought I would be back here. What is it that you want me to learn. Tell me what have I done to be back in this very spot!!

2 comments:

  1. Hi Angie,

    First and foremost, I am happy to know that you and the kids made it safely to Texas.

    My heart breaks to know that my sister is hurting. I can not imagine what you are going through. I would be lying if I said I did. All I can say is to trust the Lord to work in your life and maintain a positive attitude even when your flesh is screaming and hurting and people around you may not be welcoming.

    You know that Sam would do anything for you and the children, and although all may not be how you wanted things to be when you arrived, trust that Sam would not leave you alone if it was not because he had to work. He wants to make sure this job works out and should not be taking any time off. Right now, as difficult as things are, rely on each other, the efforts of each member of the family and get your home in order. Do it with a joyful heart, even if it may seem fake, do it with a joyful heart for Jesus. I wish this cross you are bearing came with a little padding so it wouldn't hurt so much, but it's not the way burdens are packaged unfortunately. I know you Angie, you will get through this! You will, my dear sister. Don't go by your feelings. Don't let the past thoughts of how things used to be 4 years ago determine how it will be for 2008. Stay strong in your faith. You have me to also turn to. I will keep you all in my prayers.

    Love your sister,

    Betty

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