Saturday, January 5, 2008

The week...

we arrived here very late in Texas. I spent the next two days unpacking our things, as I packed Samuel's sisters things. It has been a hard week of lifting, moving, and unpacking all alone. The thoughts that ran through my head- was what am I doing here. Why would I come to this place to deal with life alone? To not have a family member be an every day part of my life. Who truly cared about the children and their lives. To come to a place where everyone is so self center- whose lives are focused only on themselves. NOt blessing, not caring, just having the family on holidays.

In life I never imagined that I would be spending my life alone- not alone per say without my children, and husband. I mean alone with out my family.(brother and sister, mom, dad)
I always thought that I was going to spend all my special and most important moments in life with all of them. I realize that is a fairy tale now. I realize that nothing in life is the way you "want" or "think" it should be.

I just hope that it won't always be this way- that I will have my children when they get older. That they will not do to me what I did to my mom- I could not live a life without them in it and my grandchildren.

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