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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

October Baby




I have been wanting to watch  this movie for so long. Though honestly I did not really know what it was about except abortion. I thought it was like every other abortion movie. Girl gets pregnant, guy runs away, girl thinks about getting rid of unwanted baby.

No this is not what this story was about. This one was different. This one was about the unwanted baby, the one that actually survives the abortion. (I wont give the whole movie away)

Needless to say as I sat here watching the movie my heart started to hurt. The tears started to flow because of my own experience, my own murderous(as my daughter stated) sin. For those of you who do not know me, who do not know my story, who do not know my sin, this might just come as a surprise but for those few special people in my life and in my heart you know this story, but do not know the occasional pain I carry because of that sin.

At age of 18 years old, in my lost and sinful state I aborted my first child. I could go on and share with you all the excuses of why but the truth is still the same, and the sin is still the same.

I sat here with tears wondering if that little one suffered, knowing what I had done. It has been 24 years since I had done this and occassionally in those 24 years my thoughts wonder on what it would have been, a boy or girl. I think of how naive I was to believe the lies that were told to me...

1. its ok- it not a baby

2. its just cells

3. there is no life there yet

4. it wont feel a thing

All lies!! All things to comfort me, to aide me in that sin. Since then all those lies have been proven to me over and over through having my other children that they were lies. What an evil it is in this world.

I wish there was some way I could tell that precious life, that precious baby how truly sorry I am. I wish there was some way I could turn back the hands of time, with the knowledge that I have now to safe that precious gift. But I can't.

I know that My Lord has forgiven me of ALL my sins, and has washed me white as snow. I wonder do I have a right to forgive myself? (oh wretched soul that I am.)

Lord ,thank you,you are my hope and my salvation. Thank you that though I have done such wretched things you have forgiven me. Help me to forgive myself, and bring you glory in my life.I rejoice in the fact that you have entrusted me with more of your heritage and may I bring them all up in the fear and admonition of You.


Love In Christ Angie

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