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Friday, December 14, 2012

Fear...

Hello dear Saints and faithful readers...

This post has been sitting in the back of mind for a few weeks. Ever since my daughter and I had this conversation about what happened a few years ago.. See in late 2004- my beloved husband Sam and I were walking. He never truly liked to do this but he walked with me because after dinner I needed a release. Something to exercise my legs and it was great time for the both of us to talk without the listening ears of all of our homeschooling children.( I know some of you can relate)

As you know in December it is a bit chilly. We were all bundled up and went after dinner in the dusk of the even for a walk. As we were walking we spotted three boys who asked my beloved for the time. Of course he gave them the time, in the back of both of our minds we thought the boys looked suspicious, but neither of us said anything. We continued walking enjoying each others company and discussing what we were discussing when those same boys met us around the block, they had cut through the alley way. This time the oldest youngman pulled out a gun, and pulled my husband off the street into the alleyway. Well I know most women who have froze, started crying or just not said anything... well not me. I was so scared that the fear instantly turned to anger. I WAS SO ANGRY that all I could do was start yelling at them to leave him alone.
The longer he kept my husband captive by that gun the madder I got with truly NO fear for my own life but fear for his. I remember begging the Lord not to take him from me this way. Begging him to keep him save all the while I was screaming at this young man.

Funny how fear creates different reactions in all of us. Most in that situation would have cooperated, which my beloved did at the same time trying to motion to me to stay calm, and watching every move the young man was making. I was never so proud of HIM in my life. His calmness and control has always left me in awe, but never more so than on that day when facing the scariest thing a man can face... a gun.

In my fear my whole motivation was to scream and keep screaming so the whole world would hear and maybe get help. To be sure that this young men knew that though I was scared justice would be served. I remember repeating over and over he has nothing to give you. He has nothing to give you... but he took his wallet, hit him across the face with the butt of the gun to disorient him and ran. When they ran the anger was so great with in me that I yelled," you better run and hide because I will find you" Often if that was bravery or just pure stupidity that escaped from my mouth.

I faced this head on, as I tend to do with everything, cooperating with the police, looking at photos, and describing them to the best of my ability. While my beloved faced this internally. He questioned his manhood, realizing that through his walk with Christ he has always stated he was ready to die but when the moment came, the moment when he was face with death, he was unsure. It rocked him to the core. It rocked him to the very foundation he thought he had.

 See in it the Lord was glorified. Though I reacted in anger, the Lord decided that day was not the day for me or Sam. We both stand to testify of His mercy and grace today. In each of us it brought out a different reaction in my beloved, he has spent the last 7 years realizing the evil depravity of this world and never wanting to be vulnerable to it again. For me it showed me that my fear ignites in me a flame.

1 Peter 3:14" But even if you should suffer for righteousness, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear or be distrurbed"


Love In Christ Angie

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