Thursday, June 27, 2013

a place between anger and extreme hurt

We have been in a constant season with my Eldest son- always wondering and waiting for him to manifest in his life, live out from his heart the words that come out of his mouth. We have trained him, guided him, given him the Word of God no different any of the other children but something never connected his heart to these Words.. The fruit of his life has only for season, like a cycle constantly going round and round, would he manifest fruit and just when we think he is heading in the right direction, just when we think ok, he's got this, he is good He is back to square one. WHY WHY WHY??

My heart is breaking dear saints, breaking because all these years, the very thing I have fought to bring into my son's heart he has chosen to forsake. He has chosen to walk away from his family, the biblical standards, and deceive others around him.

I want to just scream!

I don't want to feel! I don't want to care! I want to turn it off. I want it to go away!! Because in it all- I have to examine myself and say "Where did I got wrong?"

" Where did I fail you Lord?" and live knowing I have failed him in the most important way and that is having my children live in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Please forgive me Lord!

Solo para la gloria de Dios

Love In Christ Angie

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Fighting the enemy

Have you ever tried to do something... and no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try- ---though what you are doing is for the glory of Christ- it just doesnt seem to work, your temper starts to rise and it takes everything you have to contain a rage building inside of you from just smashing the computer in front of you?

I have been leading these bibles studies. One with a young lady and my daughter and another for some of the older women in the church. Needless to say- both times- when trying to get things prepared, computer hooked up, and video playing, both times the computers( yes more than one) would not work. I started to feel like I was under attack. Like purposely the enemy was trying to prevent me from conducting the video make me look disorganized and unqualified to do what I am doing(which is not much) Thank you Lord for shining through- for making me press forward and get it to work.

As I move forward in this role, as part of the Leadership team of this church I have started to feel inadequate, just so unqualified to fulfill whatever it is He would have me do. But the truth is I am not qualified, and I am unable to accomplish anything without Christ. Only He in me and through me, can cause me to stand and even speak His Words to others.

Strengthen me Lord through your Word, guide me with your Holy Spirit.

Pray for me dear Saints, Pray for my beloved as we walk in the Will and way of OUR Lord Jesus!

Solo para la gloria de dios

Love In Christ Angie

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Family happenings..

                 Stop and smell the flowers....

Summer is in full swing.. Alex, Sammy- are going in  every direction. Alex working rides at Hershey and Sammy security in the parking lot, then Sammy also working  a second job. They are constantly on the move. I rejoice that they are busy. 

Lazy, and procrastination has been an issue with my young men. They lay around the house, as if there is nothing to do if they dont have to go to work. Their rooms are a like a tornado hit it, their laundry is unattended and yet they act like they have all the time in the world. Needless to say it drives me crazy. 

How do you get young men to get out of a habit of procrastination and Laziness? 

What does the Word of God say about laziness?

Procrastination is a developed habit to delay whatever it is you are expected to do.

The Word has so much to say on Laziness

Proverbs 18:9
The one who is truly lazy in his work is brother to a vandal.

Proverbs 19:15
Laziness induces deep sleep and lazy person will go hungry

Proverbs 12:24 
The  diligent hand will rule, but laziness will lead to forced labor. 

Proverbs 6:6-11

In this verse it reminds us that we are to work diligently without being told, or directed, and that is we have a responsibility to meet our needs. 

Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and  not for men.

we forget that we are to do all things for the sake of Christ. That as we obey, as we bless, and we work we do it to glorify CHRIST. 

Lord Guide us with your truth as we seek to break habits in our lives. 

Solo para Gloria de Dios

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Finding Grace

Lately finding grace and dying to my own flesh has been my struggle as well as my lesson. See my beloved has been experiencing some pain. Of course I dont know what that is like or do not live with the level of pain he is dealing with. The challenge has come in to play watching him change and become a different person. Watching him struggle to be who he is, and be this person that I really dont know.  His level of grace, mercy and compassion has disappeared. We experience an unpredictable, unstable person that can snap at any time. (No Fun)
The other struggle is his lack of  desire to spend time with me. To be with me. - He has no desire for me at all. He has become so focused on his pain and managing it each day that my needs are an after thought( which of course hurts to the very core of me)
How do you function and survive a season like this?
How do you keep from damaging your marriage? Or even your self? 
How do you keep from sin?
What if this is not just the a season but the first days of the rest of my life?
Like everything in life we must- Proverbs 3:5 " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.."
Of course I have prayed for healing believing the Lord is able to heal Sam. Trusting and knowing that if He should see fit to heal Sam that he would bring glory to the Kingdom of Christ for his miraculous works. (But that has not happened) 
In trusting - I have to know that no matter what the Lord has us(me and Samuel- our marriage) in the palm of his hands.
In trusting- I must die to self, rebuke any lies that enter my head and love with grace as Christ has done me.
In trusting- I must trust that some day- I will have my beloved husband back .
So pray for me dear Saints as I continue to tredge forward for Christ and love beyond my flesh.
Solo para la gloria de Dios...


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