Thursday, June 6, 2013

Finding Grace

Lately finding grace and dying to my own flesh has been my struggle as well as my lesson. See my beloved has been experiencing some pain. Of course I dont know what that is like or do not live with the level of pain he is dealing with. The challenge has come in to play watching him change and become a different person. Watching him struggle to be who he is, and be this person that I really dont know.  His level of grace, mercy and compassion has disappeared. We experience an unpredictable, unstable person that can snap at any time. (No Fun)
The other struggle is his lack of  desire to spend time with me. To be with me. - He has no desire for me at all. He has become so focused on his pain and managing it each day that my needs are an after thought( which of course hurts to the very core of me)
How do you function and survive a season like this?
How do you keep from damaging your marriage? Or even your self? 
How do you keep from sin?
What if this is not just the a season but the first days of the rest of my life?
Like everything in life we must- Proverbs 3:5 " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.."
Of course I have prayed for healing believing the Lord is able to heal Sam. Trusting and knowing that if He should see fit to heal Sam that he would bring glory to the Kingdom of Christ for his miraculous works. (But that has not happened) 
In trusting - I have to know that no matter what the Lord has us(me and Samuel- our marriage) in the palm of his hands.
In trusting- I must die to self, rebuke any lies that enter my head and love with grace as Christ has done me.
In trusting- I must trust that some day- I will have my beloved husband back .
So pray for me dear Saints as I continue to tredge forward for Christ and love beyond my flesh.
Solo para la gloria de Dios...

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