Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Shoulders that can not hold the weight

As I grow older I have realized one thing that as a woman I do not have the shoulders to bare all the burdens of my home. The need of my beloved husband, his strength and ability to shoulder the needs of our family, provide, and lead in strength that is given to him by our Lord. I am weak, emotional, and incapable to handle the pressures. My mind reminds me constantly of scripture.. I will never leave you or forsake you... or The birds of the air do not worry where their food shall come from.. why should those who are His worry? as a Father  cares for his children so will our Heavenly Father care for you... I know these scriptures. They are in my heart but I can not seem to get my heart, worries and fears, to line up with what I know and truly believe to be true.
It shows my weakness as a woman- as the weaker vessel. So what do I do? Get angry or admit I am incapable... truly I know in so many ways I am incapable of doing what my beloved does. I often fear being left here alone to bare these burdens. I stand and watch as he struggles to walk, and provide for his family each day as his body deteriates before us. What do I do? I am capable and able to work.. but then conviction grieves my heart as I know I have been called to be the Keeper of my Home, not the provider. I look at my two littles ones- and I realize the extreme mistakes I made with the other ones- and wonder- LORD HOW DO I FIX IT??  I find myself on the very same path as the one I was on... 

The Lord through many situations has proven that He is Worthy. Even if He would not have shown His face through provision , by the very sacrifice He was willing to bare for my sins, is enough for me to know where my help comes from. So I ask why do I allow these fears to overcome me? 

Lord my desire is to rely on you completely. I desire to not allow the enemy to use my fears and doubts to control me. Lord Help me in this season as I seek to do Your Will and bless those you would have me bless. Lord my desire is to care for my children, to give them your Word, to help them in who they are to be in you...

Lead me not into temptation... Give me strength.. and THANK YOU Lord for the blessings that my BELOVED is and has been for me. 

Solo para la gloria de Dios


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