Wednesday, December 2, 2015


"The more you pray, the more you will become convinced of its power. "- Daily Walk Bible

Prayer has been a part of my walk that I have struggled with for a long time. I am not sure why or what happened in my walk with Christ that change that but at some point it did. I don't know what it was or if it was an event or situation. All I know at one time my prayer life was so powerful and so real that at times when I was praying I could feel the presence of God so strongly it was like I was nose to nose with Him. As if I could reach out and touch Him. Now praying is a task, now it feels like a weight. Not something freeing, or even a mutual moment but just something you do.

 I guess there is a part of me that wonders why bother, God is God and His Will is His Will and how are my prayers going to change that in anyway. I remember a conversation I had with my husband on this subject who in so many words stated prayer doesn't change God, it is an act. Maybe that's it, why bother praying?

"It does nothing to change the Will of God."

God's will is His and sometimes we are entitled to know we are walking in His Will and other times well, we have no clue if we are or if we aren't. But then there is a part of me that sees our God as a loving Father. As a parent, I know that when my children need or want something I try to give it to them within reason of course and I listen to them. I listen to what they are sharing and that does affect me. So how can I think that when I pray it doesn't affect God. If he hears me then how does He not take what I am saying to His heart. Like a parent,He will look to see what is best and not everything that a child wants is good for them, I am no different. I do not see the consequences, I do not see what lies ahead but God knows all and sees all.

So see I am no expert on prayer... And I do not have the answers myself on why to pray and what it does. In so many ways I need help in this area of my life, my heart desires to feel that presence again, to feel his power again, but then there is a block, something that prevents me from doing it. ( I don't know if I am making sense to anyone out there?)

But the statement in my daily walk bible says -the more you pray the more you will be convinced of its power- This is an area I want to be convinced in!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015


 photo from:
If your behavior does not reflect your beliefs, how valuable are those beliefs? -Daily Walk Bible

All to often when you run into people you can not tell where they stand. You have no idea whether they are believers of "The Way".

What does that say about those who are believers of Christ? Is it fear that keeps people from manifesting their faith in their lives? Persecution? Or the infamous words "Judgement"?

Let's get some things straight first - the Word says you will suffer as I have suffered. Matthew 5:10 "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." What makes you think you are above suffering persecution in this century?

   "For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps."  1 Peter 2:21

We are not in Romans time but anyone who proclaims Christ will suffer! This is not our home, we are not to be comfortable here!

Secondly: the bible is clear that as believers we are accountable to one another. If a brother is in sin we are to speak to them to bring them back. How do we do that without examining their lives? In other words judging them. See people take judgement as a negative thing but scripture does mean for believers to "judge" but not in the sense as judge and jury and you are in jail thing but as a manifestation of love. Too often people manifest concern and people take that as judgement. First examine the person coming to you- are they someone significant in your life? If so then how can you take their love and concern and turn it? Second be sure to examine motive? Does the person gain? If not then you know their "judgement" isn't judgement but love and concern. Don't let the enemy take what is meant for good and turn it into evil.

Walking this walk is suppose to manifest in our every day lives! We are suppose to be identified and others should know where we stand. Too often for the sake of acceptance people do not stand on righteousness and godliness. Oh how we grieve the heart of Christ. Stand up True Believers- because Christ is coming!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Wedding Day

After many months... We got to witness the union.

 photo by Sarah B photography
photo by Sarah B photography

May their lives be filled with Christ! He is only way that can keep a marriage strong. Only His way, His truth and His Love


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Weekend Memories

This weekend we decided to take the kiddos to a corn maze. It was something I had purchased through Groupon. I  so glad we went. Fields of adventures was so fun


Apple Sling


Targets for the apple sling

Going out to the pumpkin patch to pick our pumpkins


In the corn maze daddy answers a question - yes it was educational!  

    I love making memories. I hope some day they will always say how good things were. Not perfect but good!
Thank you Lord for these moments in life.


Friday, November 6, 2015


Forgiveness, one of those things that many do not understand. Many do not understand that forgiveness is a process. One in which a person chooses to forgive someone, and the other  person seeking forgiveness acts in humility with an understanding and desire to be forgiven. Yes there are occasions where we forgive even though a person never sought to be forgiven and that is when we forgive for our own hearts sake.

Let's not forget to forgive is not a natural human ability. It is impossible for us to properly forgive without the Love of Christ within us. Through many years of life this very fact has manifested, without Christ I am unable to properly forgive and I have seen in many situations where people can not and will not properly forgive.  Though they declare themselves to be believers, you see within themselves  they do not have the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift from God who gave HIS one and Only Son to forgive us of our sins, so in turn has in dwelled us with that same ability to forgive. We choose to manifest that fullness of forgiveness or not when we call ourselves believers of "The WAY." To choose forgiveness is to Choose Christ.. to Choose forgiveness is to vanquish darkness from within, to choose forgiveness is to choose true freedom. Do not let the bondage of un-forgiveness keep you from truly rejoicing, and truly seeing What Christ has in stored for you.

Trust me when I say I am still learning this myself.


Wednesday, November 4, 2015


In so many ways we have seen this statement as truth as we have moved to many places and experienced many different churches. The same epidemic seems to be invading the hearts of believers that makes them think that if they check the box that,"they went to church Sunday morning" makes them a good person. All to often people are content with just showing up to hear a good message Sunday as they live their lives no different than the rest of the world Monday - Saturday. The hardest struggle in this walk with Him is desiring to be like Him and others looking at you thinking you think "you are better than everyone else". No I am no better than you I just believe the Word one and desire to please my Lord two. 

I am not content in just going to church... I want people to see Christ within me and in my life. I am not trying to check a box or trying to make people think I am something I am not. Trust me when I say, "there is no greater sinner than me in this world who needed a redeeming blood to cleanse me!" 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015


As we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word.... - all to often we forget that though we have our own will and lives we are to obey the Father who saved us from our sins. Obedience in your walk with Christ manifest as evidence that you shed the old and been renewed in Him. As you look in the mirror what do you see? A soul who is thirsty for Christ or one thirsty for sin. 

Live a life in obedience... You will be glad you did. 

Monday, November 2, 2015


Lately my heart has needed a revival. The pain caused by others, lack of love from the church that we had been fellowshipping at, and loneliness, has left a hole in my heart that can only be filled by Christ. I seek to walk with Him daily. The Daily Walk bible is an incredible tool. It is the first time I desire to read the Word from beginning to end. Other reading plans have not worked. My prayer in 2016 is that I read the Scriptures from cover to cover.  

Anyone want to join me? It would be great to have the accountability and someone to chat with over what we read. 

Lord awaken my heart to you! Help me to hear your voice, guide me through your truth and revive me within! 


Sunday, November 1, 2015

Wine Tasting

There is a first time for everything so the saying says, right?  One of the beautiful things about PA is the variety of things to do. We have many different things around us and I have always wanted to experience a winery with my beloved. I purchased tickets through Groupon and did not realize that this "tour" was actually a wine tasting tour that was to take place over two weekends and over 16 different wineries. I thought you picked which ones you wanted to go see and experience their winery. 

The very first location we landed at  on the last day of the tour,(was not far from our home )was not a winery but more like a wine store. We were greeted by whom we believe was the owner of the facility. Remember we have never done this so we go in having no idea what to do or what to expect. He came up and asked for tickets that we were to be provided by any of the 16 places, in which he was out of. When we told him we didn't have tickets but an electronic voucher he got irritated.  We told him we have never done this, instead of informing us of what to expect and what to do, he told us he doesn't have any glasses to give us. ( which is part of the package we were to get two wine glasses)  He then said there is a table up there for two go sit at that table. So we sat down, still confused and unsure, when the waitress came over, it was at that point through her brief description we started to understand. ( but not completely)  After ordering our first spit of wine( and when I say spit I mean they give you 1-2 swallows of wine and the is it) we realized what was expected us. 


When we left there and our experience being so negative my beloved was ready to give up and just go get something to eat. I wanted my wine glasses, so I encouraged him to go on to the next winery. We are so glad we did. This time we landed at a real winery. The people were so friendly and so helpful and we actually got our glasses even though they had run out. The owner dug out more just for us.  

The next place was so small. It was a home, and the family made the back yard a winery. 


My favorite wine here was a pineapple wine that tasted so sweet and good! (should have bought myself a bottle) This place was so crowded and the man complained about people's rudeness but for the most part it was so neat to see this little place.

The last place was huge. It was a winery and brewery. The people were so nice and knowledgable and their customers were just as friendly. The scenery at this one was breathtaking 


Though the day began in a negative way it ended wonderfully with this place. We will do a tour like this again. At least next time we will know what to expect and what to do. 


Friday, October 30, 2015

Fairy tale lives...

When you are small you pray and hope to have a life full of much love and happiness. Especially with the past I had you hope to have many more days filled with so much happiness to wipe out the pain of the past. You never think in some ways you would relive ( not exactly) the pain of the past. I find myself right back to those of past. Facing the sins of father head on and all the pain that goes with the pain that comes with sexual sin. No the sins that were committed did not affect me directly because the sins were not done to me but the thought of how it has effected my children and myself causes me so much pain. My thoughts to spiral on what could I have done differently and how much I failed. 

Now it is affecting every area of my life, my marriage and me. The anger, disgust and lack of love many people will not understand coming from a mother especially coming from a woman who declares herself a lover of Christ. In all of this I see that there is still much work to do and Lord I know I can't change those around me but I know I can change me for your Glory. I don't care if anyone understands including my husband. He has never been hurt as I have and does not understand the pain of being used as a sexual tool. Then to have men  that surround me who are so selfish they bring that into my life and my home... I can't bare it any more. I have tried to act right and be whom I thought I  needed to be but in the end I have failed in that as well. I am not a good enough wife, mother or friend  By you mercy and Grace- Lord give me strength for the trial you have decided to place me under. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

My prayer in song...

1 May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
live in me from day to day,
by his love and power controlling
all I do and say.

2 May the word of God dwell richly
in my heart from hour to hour,
so that all may see I triumph
only through his power.

3 May the peace of God, my Father,
rule my life in everything,
that I may be calm to comfort
sick and sorrowing.

4 May the love of Jesus fill me
as the waters fill the sea.
Him exalting, self abasing:
this is victory.

5 May His beauty rest upon me 

as I seek the lost to win

and may they forget the channel

seeing only HIM

Monday, October 5, 2015

pain... disappointment..

I have had my share of pain these past two years. Mostly from one person, but there has been others. Serving Christ comes with many sacrifices. Your reputation, your character, your family, your every action is  put under a microscope. People forget that you are no different than they are, just desiring to serve Christ in every way.

When you are hurt it makes you wonder what it is all for?! If you are a "true" servant of God. His Word echos in your head of how He suffered.  His character was constantly judged, he was mocked, and crucified. Who are we to think our fate is any different? It doesn't make the pain any less, it doesn't even make the pain go away. But it does give you comfort in knowing that No matter what you face the Lord has experienced it and knows.

Now I am in a different phase one of restoration, self examination, and certainly I desire to do it better than I have done before. I know I can't without HIM... I can't be who I need to be without Christ. Without a local body, and without fellowship. I am cautious, not wanting to be hurt. I desire to serve Christ but I do not desire to be hurt as I have been. I find myself wanting to protect myself. I wonder how Christ did it... and how he knew what would happen and not want to protect himself or even try to avoid it.

He truly is amazing where I am not!



This weekend was crazy. Baby girl  turned 4 on Friday Oct 2nd so we ( Duck and I) spent the day on trying to make her feel like a princess

and special since everyone was working. Papa is not around because of work, and Sis just had baby.

Around 12- Big brother took her to lunch

Grandma stopped buy with her big present

 And Big Sis and her family came over for a birthday dinner celebration. Chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese was the menu and ice cream cake to celebrate.

In spite of how I thought the day was going to turn out for her,she  had a great day .

Saturday was her big party at Chuck E Cheese. What a day it was!

We finished the weekend with breakfast as a family with daddy

 All in all the weekend was so full of celebrating the life God gave us! Thank you Lord for your blessings that overflows

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Gloomy days

It's funny how the sun effects our moods and dispositions. Lately it has been pretty gloomy around here, lots of clouds, cool days and color changes. What is it that I have to be gloomy about? I have my health and my children are healthy. I have freedoms many do not have in other countries and my husband has blessed me with allowing me to stay home and homeschool my children. The enemy has been on full force attack in our family since arriving here in Pa. 

I have slowly watched my family go from being united as one to divided, some not speaking to us at all, and others speaking to us but not having anything to do with church or fellowship. It makes you wonder how? And why? Could there been something we could have done to prevent it from happening? Then I ,of course, think about what I have done wrong or what I could have done better. I fear doing it again. I feel so incapable of raising two more kids. Of failing as I have already. My heart could not take another heart break as I have experienced with Paul and even the heart ache I have experienced with Joseph. The changes with the other children, The uncertainty of where I stand and what my role is. I often  think Lord is this a joke? You had me give all of me to these children, take care of them for 18 years for them to just disappear from our lives. So what  now? Lord give me strength to deal with the changes and strength to do what you have called me to do. 


Saturday, September 26, 2015

just my day

After a long day enjoying my children, soccer and Hershey park. As I showered and cleaned my thoughts randomly land on Paul. His wedding and his brother Joey. I do struggle with understanding Joeys support of his brother. I struggle knowing the dishonor he has bestowed up me and upon my husband and our family, how he can support his ungodliness.

Traditionally at a wedding there is a mother son  dance and I wonder what will my son do since he has chosen he does not want us there. Will he really dishonor me so much by dancing with someone else who did not give birth to him. I ask myself that question as if I do not know the answer to that question. He has dishonor we us in every other aspect of this wedding  so he will dishonor me again. But I struggle with understanding how Joey can stand in support of that. It is like a stab to my heart from both of them. It makes me angry and honestly it makes me not want to have anything to do with Joey as well.

As I think on Joey I could write a book about how it seems like he went to Texas to escape us, Christ and the standard we believed they should live by.


After a long day enjoying my children, soccer and Hershey park. As I showered and cleaned my thoughts randomly land on Paul. His wedding and his brother Joey. I do struggle with understanding Joeys support of his brother. I struggle knowing the dishonor he has bestowed up me and upon my husband and our family, how he can support his ungodliness.

Traditionally at a wedding there is a mother son  dance and I wonder what will my son do since he has chosen he does not want us there. Will he really dishonor me so much by dancing with someone else who did not give birth to him. I ask myself that question as if I do not know the answer to that question. He has dishonor we us in every other aspect of this wedding  so he will dishonor me again. But I struggle with understanding how Joey can stand in support of that. It is like a stab to my heart from both of them. It makes me angry and honestly it makes me not want to have anything to do with Joey as well. 

As I think on Joey I could write a book about how it seems like he went to Texas to escape us, Christ and the standard we believed they should live by. 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Sitting here...

As I sit outside on the porch, in the evening hours. I am listening to Babygirl and Duckie play as they lay on a blanket in the yard. In the distance someone is hammering, another person is using a weedeater, birds are singing and there is peace here with me.

Though I will share the enemy is present waiting to steal my joy, waiting to bombard my thoughts with the pain I have experienced for the past two years. It never seems to go away, it always seems to be like a lion waiting to engulf me, my thoughts and my moments of joy. To keep myself from getting overwhelmed, from wondering, why? Wondering, how?  could I have done things differently? Wondering why am I being punished for loving too much, and trying to be a good parent?

I pull myself back- I listen to the peace that surrounds me. These two sweet souls that laugh with innocence, and I am thankful.

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Thankful that the Lord deemed me Worthy enough to give me two more children. In spite of myself, my flaws and imperfections.

Everything else- the pain- well are you really worthy it?


Thank you Lord!


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Day two

still trying to get the routine established

But I am so grateful I have this privilege to disciple these two and guide these two in their education.

Thank you Lord




Monday, August 31, 2015

First day of school

Our first day of school went fantastic. Noah was ready and Ellie was enthusiastiac in starting kindergarten.

It is amazing to me that Duckie is not in 3rd grade. He never ceases to amaze me. I have implicated our devotions and memory verse reciting in our schedule in hopes we remain faithful to the Word since it is the reason we homeschool.

Our Angel face is eager and will be a wonderful student! She is so excited to be learning and knows how to recite the alphabet but she doesn't know them by sight. So we will be working on that before we move forward to writing the letters. In the meantime we are also learning shapes and and colors. I was so proud of her when she recognized the oval shape! What 3 year old do you know can recognize an oval without any schooling?

Lord,give me strength to be diligent in my tasks and help me to bring the love of learning to my children's hearts.


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

4th of July

Our first annual family cookout. We had steamed blue crabs which was such a treat for me because I love them but I don't love eating 4 dozen of them almost alone. (Lesson learned- only get 2 dozen next year! ) Sam ( who was not 100%) made sausage on the grill to go with the pasta salad M&M brought.
One thing we started years ago with my sister Melissa was wearing patriotic clothing for the 4th. Everyone came sporting their Americana clothes.




Friday, August 14, 2015

At that age...

This week I have come to realization that we are at that age of losses. See when you are young you don't think about death. You don't think about time or how much time you have or don't have. Some where along the line in age that changes and shifts. All of sudden you realize how limited your time is. How much you are NOT promised tomorrow, and how fragile life truly is. This verse from James rings through my head, " Life is just a vapor that appeareth for a little time and vanisheth away."  How true that verse. How quickly a life comes and goes. In this life ones who have left this world get so easily forgotten and people move on as if that person never existed. Yes in some there is a whole, something always missing, a pang of pain that is sharp when something "reminds" them of that person, but for the most part with the busyness of life, social media, entertainment etc, we fill our time and hearts so we just don't think about it. So then that life is truly just a vapor and vanishes... I think often what kind of imprint will I leave on the hearts that new me?

With the news we received this week boy has these thoughts become such a reality. We are at that age...

Lord help us to take advantage of every moment. Love like you do, live as you would, and show Christ!


Thursday, August 13, 2015

The end of a Season

So it is official some major changes have occurred in our home in the last two weeks. I stepped down from Women's Ministry at our church. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make but was necessary. There are too many things that seem to hindering the ministry. (hurtful things) What is sad to me is the lack of reaction to my stepping down. It seems like no one cared and it did not affect anyone at all. Most surprising that the leadership/elders, not one responded with any words, wetherless words of encouragement so it tells me I guess my decision was the right one. Now I just await the time the Lord moves us from this place.

I feel like I have wasted a year a half of ministering here. I know that the Word does not return void but you just wonder if anyone really really cares. SAD....

Friday, July 24, 2015

Where does our protection come from?


As human beings we go through wondering how and why the universe exists. How does the moon stay in the sky at night? Why doesn't the sun's heat burn up our planet? How do we go to sleep each morning and wake up every night? These mysteries oh can be given a scientific answer I am sure but truly the real answer is the Lord. He continues to do what He has done from the being of time as that is order and direct the world. I know it is hard to imagine or even understand in a world of evil, hurt, sin and pain, but it's true. He continues to guide and protect. The birds of the air do not worry about food because He continues to provide as man continues to destroy their natural habitat. You see He is with us. For those who do not believe how do explain the order of the world? How do you explain the way things go, and natural function? Honestly all explanations will eventually cease and there will be nothing left but the Lord.

I find comfort in knowing that when my life seems to be in a tail spin, He is still in control! When it seems that I have no peace, He is still in control. When pain overcomes me, He is still in control.

" The Lord protects me and the Lord is my shelter right by my side. "

Grace and Peace


Sunday, July 19, 2015

Baby Shower ...

It always amazes me when I think how grown my children are. It seemed like yesterday they were all small and I was guiding them, loving them, and mothering them. Now one is actually going to be a parent. Maria my precious girl will be having her first baby, as I have posted before. We had her baby shower. Of course all was chosen, directed, and suggested by her. So it was not really that hard to put together. Just finding Dr. Seuss stuff was the big challenge.


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She was showered withe many gifts....


IMG_9404Now we all await his arrival


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