Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Gloomy days

It's funny how the sun effects our moods and dispositions. Lately it has been pretty gloomy around here, lots of clouds, cool days and color changes. What is it that I have to be gloomy about? I have my health and my children are healthy. I have freedoms many do not have in other countries and my husband has blessed me with allowing me to stay home and homeschool my children. The enemy has been on full force attack in our family since arriving here in Pa. 

I have slowly watched my family go from being united as one to divided, some not speaking to us at all, and others speaking to us but not having anything to do with church or fellowship. It makes you wonder how? And why? Could there been something we could have done to prevent it from happening? Then I ,of course, think about what I have done wrong or what I could have done better. I fear doing it again. I feel so incapable of raising two more kids. Of failing as I have already. My heart could not take another heart break as I have experienced with Paul and even the heart ache I have experienced with Joseph. The changes with the other children, The uncertainty of where I stand and what my role is. I often  think Lord is this a joke? You had me give all of me to these children, take care of them for 18 years for them to just disappear from our lives. So what  now? Lord give me strength to deal with the changes and strength to do what you have called me to do. 


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