Monday, October 5, 2015

pain... disappointment..

I have had my share of pain these past two years. Mostly from one person, but there has been others. Serving Christ comes with many sacrifices. Your reputation, your character, your family, your every action is  put under a microscope. People forget that you are no different than they are, just desiring to serve Christ in every way.

When you are hurt it makes you wonder what it is all for?! If you are a "true" servant of God. His Word echos in your head of how He suffered.  His character was constantly judged, he was mocked, and crucified. Who are we to think our fate is any different? It doesn't make the pain any less, it doesn't even make the pain go away. But it does give you comfort in knowing that No matter what you face the Lord has experienced it and knows.

Now I am in a different phase one of restoration, self examination, and certainly I desire to do it better than I have done before. I know I can't without HIM... I can't be who I need to be without Christ. Without a local body, and without fellowship. I am cautious, not wanting to be hurt. I desire to serve Christ but I do not desire to be hurt as I have been. I find myself wanting to protect myself. I wonder how Christ did it... and how he knew what would happen and not want to protect himself or even try to avoid it.

He truly is amazing where I am not!


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