Thursday, April 7, 2016

Saying Good bye from afar

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. On the April 4th my beautiful son, youngest of the first 5 children went off to the Navy. His leaving  left me hurting so badly. Not because I never really wanted my children in the military- that is true. Not because he is making his own choices, that is true as well. Not because God is control and I know I have raised him according to the Word of God-- that is true as well. I know He is in God's hands-- I know all this. I even know Joey is strong and is able to endure. I know bootcamp in the end will be a joke for him, as it was for me and for his father. YEP I know all that as well. ( these are all things people are saying to me to "try" and encourage me) The difference between them and My husband and I - they got to see them off, they got to hug their children, say good bye, pray over them, and love of them. My heart hurts- because I could not see my baby off- I could not say good bye and show him how proud we are of him.

That was also his choice. Maybe some day he will know what it feels like, as Sam and I experiencd our parents pain over and over.  He called early Monday morning (like 12:20am) to tell me he would send me his stuff, and he was there and that he would not be able to call for 3 weeks. I could hear the slight fear/ intimidation in his voice and the commanders screaming orders in the back ground. My heart hurt even more knowing that realization set in, and a bit of fear with it. Arriving is always an eye opener for everyone.

You think "what in the world was I thinking?"...

 "What in the heck did I sign up for?"

 In the end when it is all over- he will be glad it is over, and that he made it through. But for 6 years- his life is not his own. He belongs to the USA- He is a weapon for them to do as they please.

 Being proud of him has never been an issue. He is an incredible person, an incredible son. He is strong and determined. He has always tried to be better than anyone in my home, running after his brothers. Always trying to be stronger, smarter and faster than any of his brothers. He was his sisters best friend, and playmate, doing anything she wanted, playing tea party, or dolls, or make-up.

Watching him take life by the horns (as the saying goes) makes his dad and me very proud. The pain comes watching all this from so far away. As a parent, I was going to be there for my children. Be to them what I did not have. I wanted to guide them, give wisdom, and bless them into every transition they choose to make. It is never to agree with what they are doing( because trust me I don't agree with everything my children have decided to do) but to love them in spite of their choice.

 My thoughts are never ending with you Joey(Jar Jar) I love you!

Lord protect my son, when he is weak, make him strong. When he is scared comfort him with Your peace. Help him to endure, and Lord help him to bring You glory no matter what choice he makes. Amen

Solo para la Gloria de Dios Angie

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