Thursday, September 24, 2015

Sitting here...

As I sit outside on the porch, in the evening hours. I am listening to Babygirl and Duckie play as they lay on a blanket in the yard. In the distance someone is hammering, another person is using a weedeater, birds are singing and there is peace here with me.

Though I will share the enemy is present waiting to steal my joy, waiting to bombard my thoughts with the pain I have experienced for the past two years. It never seems to go away, it always seems to be like a lion waiting to engulf me, my thoughts and my moments of joy. To keep myself from getting overwhelmed, from wondering, why? Wondering, how?  could I have done things differently? Wondering why am I being punished for loving too much, and trying to be a good parent?

I pull myself back- I listen to the peace that surrounds me. These two sweet souls that laugh with innocence, and I am thankful.

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Thankful that the Lord deemed me Worthy enough to give me two more children. In spite of myself, my flaws and imperfections.

Everything else- the pain- well are you really worthy it?


Thank you Lord!


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