Ponder the Path of Thy Feet.....

Dad with His children on Father's Day-2014 Yesterday was Father's Day - a day where we take to reflect on the gifts we have in our fathers. Fathers have such an important role in the hearts of their children and their family. They are to protect them, guide them, encourage them and help them feel strong. When he fails in these areas then He has failed his family. Growing up I desired to see what a "normal" family looked like.( I use the term normal loosely) My family was damaged, and damaging. My sperm donor father was the main source of pain, and disappointment. He was a path way of destruction. Treating everyone in his path as a possession to be misused and tossed as he pleased. Can you imagine- a damaged hurting child look around at her friends fathers and wondering, is there father like mine? does he do to them what mine does? Is it true-- do fathers show their love for their children in this manner?? I spent my younger life trying to feel loved, and secure which ...

New life, changes  happen whether you like it our not. With those changes I have decided to change my blog too. This blog is for those who desire to be encouraged. It is for those, who love The Lord Jesus, who desire to hear about the challenges of being a wife, mother and  one in ministry. It is for those, who know they are not perfect and could sure use someone to relate to in that imperfection.... Who am I? I am that daughter of the King of Kings- Jesus. the wife of Sam, that mother of many,  sister to Ray, Missy, Betty and Danny,the friend to those who desire one and the servant to those who will allow me to speak Christ into them, lastly that woman next door who is always willing to help and open her home to you. Yes that is me. I have many thoughts but not enough time in the day to share them all. I do pray that you will join me in life... join me in my journeys. Join me as we seek first the kingdom of Heaven and His righteousness!

Hello dear sisters and saints Babygirl has not being feeling well so she has had me on and off awake all night. I am not very good at that so this last time I decided to stay a wake for a bit for my own sake and hers. I have been laying here contemplating friendships. I got to thinking of my beloved husband. He truly is an incredible man, incredible person. He has this friend- work buddy that adores him. Yes this man is older than he is but he often text me asking me, "how is he really Angie"- I want to know the truth. He worries about his physical well being.  On Father's Day this same gentleman contacted me and said " I wanted to give Sam a gun but I know he won't just accept it, so here is the deal, you gather a dollar $1.00 - from every child in your home and I will sell you this gun for $7.00. The kids then can give him this gun for Father's Day." I agreed of course. I got the gun and since I know nothing about them had no idea the true value of thi...

Morning dear sisters and saints.. I have been troubled by something and I am unsure of how to handle it. I am going to try to share without exposing anything really- just so I can get it off my chest. Does that make sense? I am struggling to understand - What do you do when you make an effort to love someone, you are always kind and considerate but people don't receive it? You continue to reach out- they don't receive it? Their attitude and heart shows such an inconsideration, and selfishness that is not conducive to the body at all. Excuses are made for this inconsiderate and selfish attitude ," that I am just like this , or I am just straight forward " My struggle- do I say something or just allow God to handle it? What would you do?? Ladies- it is so hard sometimes as the Lord places you in ministry to please all people. I strive not to please people but Christ. It is always encouraging though when woman approach me and share their hearts and tell me how blessed th...

Things have been so super crazy I have been meaning to share but just there just doesn't seem to be enough time in a day. A few weeks ago my beautiful daughter started a new phase in her life. She is courting a young man. He is someone from our church. We have known him for a few years, and he truly is a man who seeks Christ. It has been such a joy to see them both. To watch as they become more fond of each other, as their hearts melt as one. He is truly such a gift to her and to us as well. We love him truly so deeply. He is a blessing to all that know him. Because of this change- our home is busy and filled. Having that one person in our home, has changed things, people are preoccupied. I hope this changes soon. My beloved has been working hard. This is a hard season for me, and for him. He works nonstop- and I am left to manage our Life. (Not fun.) well that is what is going on here… How about you? Solo para gloria de Dios Angie

There is never a dull moment within our home.One of the things we knew and realized when Sam stepped out to become a leader and elder of our church that attacks would come, deception and temptation for us to ruin our testimony for Christ, would come. And that is exactly what happened. He used one of my children as his tool to do exactly that,in that deception was also the ultimate betrayal.  Truly betrayed with a kiss- A parents, as well as leaders within our church, we have every right to share concerns, things we see, to guide and counsel our children to righteousness. We have the right to help them see and not be deceived or lead by their flesh, but that very counsel was used against us. Also used as a door for him to walk away and do things his way, so that he could be removed from our accountability. The pain of that betrayal, deception is so raw in my heart. I was driving yesterday in tears, crying out to my Lord and I came to this realization,if my pain is so raw and real ov...

We have been in a constant season with my Eldest son- always wondering and waiting for him to manifest in his life, live out from his heart the words that come out of his mouth. We have trained him, guided him, given him the Word of God no different any of the other children but something never connected his heart to these Words.. The fruit of his life has only for season, like a cycle constantly going round and round, would he manifest fruit and just when we think he is heading in the right direction, just when we think ok, he's got this, he is good He is back to square one. WHY WHY WHY?? My heart is breaking dear saints, breaking because all these years, the very thing I have fought to bring into my son's heart he has chosen to forsake. He has chosen to walk away from his family, the biblical standards, and deceive others around him. I want to just scream! I don't want to feel! I don't want to care! I want to turn it off. I want it to go away!! Because in it all- I ha...

Have you ever tried to do something... and no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try- ---though what you are doing is for the glory of Christ- it just doesnt seem to work, your temper starts to rise and it takes everything you have to contain a rage building inside of you from just smashing the computer in front of you? I have been leading these bibles studies. One with a young lady and my daughter and another for some of the older women in the church. Needless to say- both times- when trying to get things prepared, computer hooked up, and video playing, both times the computers( yes more than one) would not work. I started to feel like I was under attack. Like purposely the enemy was trying to prevent me from conducting the video make me look disorganized and unqualified to do what I am doing(which is not much) Thank you Lord for shining through- for making me press forward and get it to work. As I move forward in this role, as part of the Leadership team of this church I h...

Lately finding grace and dying to my own flesh has been my struggle as well as my lesson. See my beloved has been experiencing some pain. Of course I dont know what that is like or do not live with the level of pain he is dealing with. The challenge has come in to play watching him change and become a different person. Watching him struggle to be who he is, and be this person that I really dont know.  His level of grace, mercy and compassion has disappeared. We experience an unpredictable, unstable person that can snap at any time. (No Fun) The other struggle is his lack of  desire to spend time with me. To be with me. - He has no desire for me at all. He has become so focused on his pain and managing it each day that my needs are an after thought( which of course hurts to the very core of me) How do you function and survive a season like this? How do you keep from damaging your marriage? Or even your self?  How do you keep from sin? What if this is not just the a season ...

Lately I have been baffled by the brainwashing or conditioning we go through starting from childhood on how to think,and what to think. We have been convinced that it is necessary to control the number of children we have. That children are a burden not a blessing. Birth control, experimenting sexually is all the process of growing up, not damaging to you spiritually, mentally or even physically  nor does anyone even tell you that you are sinning against against our Lord and Creator. What about the conditioning towards the acceptances of sin? Conditioning on accepting homosexuals as "being born this way" in stead of being an addiction or sin just like any other sin..No more foul then being an alcoholic or addicted to pornography but it is still a sin. But it is being thrown in  our face,rammed down our throats and our children are being conditioned to accept the sin as we have been trained to accept the sin of birth control and experimental sex. It is becoming the norm to see...

Lately I have felt like I have no "real" friends (except of course my Beloved and my children) around me... Don't get me wrong I have friends( Celina,Lanie) who are just a phone call away but I am talking about a friend that is with me through thick and thin. Through my straight forward ,honest not intending to offend ways, and will love me and truly knows my heart. Who will walk with me through every day life and who loves me at all times and loves me like a sister. A friend loves at all times,and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17 ESV) This scripture seeps to my bones, to my very soul. With realizing their is someone in my life that has decided they no longer want to speak to me, without an explanation, without giving me an opportunity to correct my offense or to even give a chance to ask for forgiveness has made me realize two things. 1. Their are those who say they love you but truly do not. 2. I must always remember to be forgiving! Why the second becau...

Time seems to past by so quickly... each day blending into each other like paint on a canvas. My heart is full this morning. Thoughts going all over the place. Little babe is growing she is now 13 weeks- she is trying to sit up. She rolls now half way, and boy does she like to babble. Her sweet face melts the hearts of everyone around her. Noah has adjusted well to the sweet new addition. Every morning he pads into my room to wish her good morning. She looks at him very endearing and smiles so sweetly at him. It is so very sweet to see how much they love each other. I pray as she grows she will see and know how very special she is to all of us. I read a post over at mandymom.com , she was discussing parenting. She has very young ones and I remember thinking when mine were young how difficult that season was. Now that mine are grown( 21,20,18,16,15) I have come realize that season was the easy part. Yes that season of their lives I was saying NO, all day, and disciplining alot more b...

She is now 10 weeks, smiling, cooing and just being aware of her surroundings and all of the people she deems important. Daddy has to work hard to get this little one to smile at him. It is a change for this house. Most of the time Daddy is the man... he steals their hearts before I even have an opportunity to win their hearts. This time this little one loves mama... makes me feel important and special.Special because she preferrs me, smiles at me, and calms down when mama picks her up. My heart just burst over this little one. What a joy she is. Her big brother duck- Has adjusted to our new miracle wonderfully. He loves her to pieces. Tells me, mama you hold her and I will hold the bottle so I can feed her. Makes my heart burst with joy knowing he loves her so. He is such a special blessing to me. I am so humbled that our Lord Jesus saw me worthy to have not just one reversal miracle but two reversal miracles. My Christmas blessings... Angie

It's amazing how time flies. At 7 weeks she is cooing,and her personality is starting to show. She is trying to smile, you can see her joy in her eyes. Also her temperament shows as well. Patience is definitely a learned trait. Patience she does not have. You can see she's recognizing faces, and that she has preferences. One of her preferences is me. She barely goes to anyone else without putting up a fuss. I kind of enjoy it but at the same time can be really exhausting. I know that this time will go fast... We are at 7 weeks now, so I cherish each second with joy and praise to our King Jesus for the gift she is. Happy Thanksgiving Angie

On Nov 13-- my boy turned 5 years old. Though in his mind he thinks he is equivalent to my 21 year old. In alot of ways he and can keep up with him conversationally, especially if you are talking about the latest video game. He is a bit obsessed with video games, he loves spiderman, we watch the movie at least 20 times a week. He is a carbs junkie, French fries is his choice food. He thinks he knows everything because you say something and he says "I know". His favorite football team is the Jets, funny thing is, he doesn't watch football.( happens to be his grandfathers favorite team) This year we had a spiderman themed party that was suppose to have a few kids but it ended up being a young adult party with just two little kids, him and his friend Xavier. His guests.... To my first miracle- I love you-- Happy Birthday. Angie/Mom

As I sit here and look into this sweet little face-- I am amazed how quickly time is going. In a way it makes my heart very sad because I know there is no way to stop the clock and make time go slower. I know there is no way to prolong this time. In a blink she is now 3 weeks and 4 days...she will be a month this next Sunday-- a month Wow... These past few weeks have not been the easiest. Having her at home was amazing- the most peaceful, non evasive delivery I have ever had. The presence of the Lord was evident. There were no loud machines, no cold instruments, no icy rooms, just soft worship music in the background, warm water and soft voices. Then reality hit.. My beloved stayed home the night she was born to help take care of me and the baby and the house, but the very next day less than 24 hours later he went to work leaving me with a puking 4 year old, and 5 young adults. I felt bad for Noah and for my daughter because Noah wanted a parent and Maria was in over her head dealing ...

Sunday-October 2nd, 2011-- started normal. I got up and started preparing for church, waking everyone up so we could make it to our church 10th Anniversary service on time. It was cool, and cloudy out so instead of the "celebration" happening outside in park like it was suppose to, we had it inside at the church. I had to hurry to make sure our dish for the celebration was ready, so I ran downstairs and started cooking. Of course we were not on time for church but because of the celebration it wasn't starting on time. When we arrived everyone was wondering if I wasnt there because I was in "labor". But I waddled in and everyone greeted me with " oh, you are here... how are you feeling?" Seemed to be the question of the hour because it was getting so close to the due date. (Oct 3rd) Church started about 11:00 and so did my contractions.. I sat down and had my first strong contraction. I thought it was the normal contractions that I had been having fo...

being checked out by midwife Being weighed First born

Here is the story of Eliana's birth- written by a very special friend who stayed with me till my midwife arrived , while my beloved was busy getting things ready and through the birth.... Eliana's Birthing story By Kim Folks When I was training to be a Doula one of the things we were encouraged to do was to write a birth story for the families we worked with and for ourselves but especially for the babies :) How awesome would it be to be able to read our own birth stories. We try but often forget details and don't take time to record the memory. So I hope this can be something you can share with Eliana one day and enjoy :) Well when I woke this morning I was excited for our church's 10th Anniversary/ picnic. The weather was unusually cold, 43 degrees, so the picnic was moved indoors which turned out to be very convienient since the Sellars live 1 block from church. At 1030am the Sellars weren't there yet so I called thinking maybe they weren't there beca...

These are words that have been expressed to me in the past week. I often wonder, do people not think about what they say or how they say it? Do they not stop to think that this could hurt someone's feelings or their self-esteem? As baby grows, I grow.. nothing I can do about that. She is getting big, so in turn I am getting big. Trust me I look in the mirror- I see how big I am. I also get on the scale, I know how big I am. But it is not a big because I am fat, eating too much and gaining weight for no reason. I have a life in me, growing, preparing herself to come into this world. I pray a healthy babe as well! I could not imagine coming up to a pregnant woman and looking at her and saying "Geez- you are big" I had one person come up to me who had not seen me since January or February-- she looks at me and says " Are you having twins?" I say "No" She continues on by saying " Wow- you are huge!" I walked away thinking how rude! Really-- am ...