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Thursday, September 5, 2013

Insecurity....


As the time gets closer for the Women's bible study to begin at our church, anxiety, worry, and insecurities continue to rise within me.

I know that  it is  not me but Christ within me that will guide these women to the CROSS. I know that NOTHING I can do or can say can lead them, only the Holy Spirit can. I feel truly unworthy.

Last night I had the CRAZIEST dream- about the study. We were in the adult classroom. I was in a corner trying to prepare, when I turned around and all these people were in the front. I turned to Ms. Kim- my co chair and partner- and asked what was going on.  And this woman started to  verbally attacked me. I had never seen her before. As I tried to calm her down, she grabs me and starts to shake me, I could not get loose from her grip. I kept asking her to take her hands off me. I finally got her off and escorted her out of the room, so that I could find counsel from one of our elders. Our VERY SMALL building turned into this enormous, crazy coliseum in which I could not find my way around or find any elder. I finally found my beloved Sam- shared the situation and left him to deal with the out of control female.

As I ventured my way back to the bible study- I decided to try to go outside to walk around the building since the inside was so full of people and it was CRAZY. I accidentally started to head into this section that a circus of some sort was putting on a show. So I went around all that and managed to make my way back to the adult classroom. As I entered into the room, the first thing I noticed is that there were men sitting there. Of course I inquired on what they were doing and why were they there. They proceeded to tell me that they were there for the Beth Moore bible study.

I stood there with my mouth open at first thinking. REALLY this isn't happening.. NO you can't was my next words to them.
They inquired why. I said "because you are men. You can't be in this study. You have to leave." They truly were offended by my words, and I was shocked that men would want to participate in a woman's bible study.

This is where I woke up...

I woke up of course disturbed by it all and feeling extremely insecure and unsure of myself. Of course, in no way do I feel worthy to lead anyone. But I  know that the Love I have for the Lord and the body- gives me a burden to do so. Often times with the issues I have and struggles I bare- I think really Lord why me- I am the last person that should be doing this for anyone. Yet here I am.

The Word tells us not to be anxious or insecure:

Phillipians 4:6
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I John 4:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.


Ephesians 6:10-20

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ...




I rest in His Word today Sisters- and seek His face. For he is truly my strength.

Solo Para la Gloria De Dios

Love In Christ Angie

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