Thursday, October 27, 2011

3 weeks and 4 days-- wow!

As I sit here and look into this sweet little face--20111027-094652.jpg

I am amazed how quickly time is going. In a way it makes my heart very sad because I know there is no way to stop the clock and make time go slower. I know there is no way to prolong this time. In a blink she is now 3 weeks and 4 days...she will be a month this next Sunday-- a month Wow...

These past few weeks have not been the easiest. Having her at home was amazing- the most peaceful, non evasive delivery I have ever had. The presence of the Lord was evident. There were no loud machines, no cold instruments, no icy rooms, just soft worship music in the background, warm water and soft voices.

Then reality hit.. My beloved stayed home the night she was born to help take care of me and the baby and the house, but the very next day less than 24 hours later he went to work leaving me with a puking 4 year old, and 5 young adults. I felt bad for Noah and for my daughter because Noah wanted a parent and Maria was in over her head dealing with me, him and everything else, though she handled it with LOTS of grace.That was just the beginning of the next few weeks.

Having a baby at home brings another side to home birthing that NO ONE ever talks about. See when you have a baby in the hospital you are away from home, so then you are not expected to make decisions, clean, or deal with household situations. ( you are in the hospital "resting")
When you have the baby at home you do not get away from home, you are then expected to get up the very next day and act like nothing major happened to you, and you are to run the household like business as usual. Well needless to say my body, mind, and emotions could not do it. After just a few days of it, I was having an emotional breakdown. Basic decisions would make me want to cry and every fiber in side of me was screaming for sleep. At night I was feeding and caring for baby girl and during the day if I attempted to rest Noah would wake me so rest was out of my grasp. My mind just wanted to shut down and focus on what I had to, me and baby. ( needles to say-- lesson learned)

Things have balanced inside me, though the household, still needs to be taken care I feel my strength and emotional state strengthening and restoring.Noah is in desperate need of my attention for schooling.

He adores his little sister and adjusting wonderfully to the new addition, but feedings and changing are so consuming right now, he is bored. All he wants to do is watch movies or play video games.
Which drives me crazy because he asks every 5 minutes for the video games.

We are slowly gaining a routine, though at times I wish I could stop time or slow it down.

Praying you all are well!

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